他闯祸你收拾！
缺少“自作自受”的孩子注定吃大亏！
He makes trouble and you solve it!
Children who lack “self-reliance” are doomed to suffer big losses.
We often hear parents complain and say “children do not want to do anything, don’t listen to persuasion, and don’t change their mistakes.” This is because you often ‘bear the consequences’ for your children, without letting them ‘experience the consequences’.
常常听到家长抱怨
孩子叫不动、不听劝、知错不改……
这些事情的原委是什么呢?
是你经常替孩子“担着后果”
没有让孩子自己“体验后果”
01
02
Why does the “natural consequence law” work so well?
为什么“自然后果法”会如此奏效？
First of all, the child will judge the right or wrong of a behavior from the happy or painful result. I don’t want to wear a coat when I go out in winter. When I go out and feel cold, the child naturally knows that it is not good to go out in winter without a coat.
首先，孩子会从结果的愉快或痛苦，来判断一个行为的对错。
大冬天出门不愿意穿外套，一出门感觉到冷，孩子自然知道冬天出门不穿外套是不行的。
Secondly, children can get different experiences from errors of different sizes and learn how to act. When you eat bread, you have to squeeze a lot of tomato sauce. When you eat it, it tastes too sour, and the child will know to squeeze a little less next time.
其次，孩子能从大小不同的错误中得到不同的体验，从而学会怎样行动。
吃面包时非要挤很多番茄酱，一吃觉得太酸了，孩子下次就知道挤少一点了。
Third, the natural consequences of a child ’s wrong behavior are direct and cannot be escaped, so they will be very cautious and will not commit again. I like to play with drawers. I feel the pain when I was pinched once, and I dare not play again next time. As long as the adults dare to let go, let the children experience the consequences once, and without further ado, the children will naturally learn how to do it.
第三，孩子错误行为的自然后果是直接的，逃不掉的，所以会非常谨慎、不会再犯。
爱玩抽屉，被夹了一次手感觉到痛了，下次不敢再玩。
只要大人敢放手，让孩子体验一次后果，不用大人多说，孩子自然能学会怎么做。
The key point is “natural”.
British educator Spencer once said: “The truly educational and health-benefiting consequences are not given by parents who profess to be” natural “agents, but by” natural “itself.” Without adult intervention, Let things happen naturally and let children feel the most natural consequences before they are most effective.
其中的关键点，在于“自然”。
英国教育家斯宾塞曾说：“真有教育意义和真正有益健康的后果，并不是家长们自封为‘自然’代理人所给予的，而是‘自然’本身所给予的。” 没有大人干预，让事情自然而然地发生，让孩子感受最自然的后果，才最有效。
03
下面，结合《正面管教》等国际前沿理论，以及以往在孩子身上实施“自然后果法”的实践经验，给大家分享3大原则，希望能给想改变孩子的家长一些帮助。
原则1：事先要以尊重的态度和孩子商量。
当我们计划改变自己的行为，让孩子体验他们的选择所产生的自然后果时，事先以尊重的态度和孩子商量。
Principle2: During the implementation process, before the adults do not compromise or intervene in the implementation of the Natural Consequences Law, they should inform the people around them who have frequent contact with the children in advance, and everyone should adopt a unified approach. In the process of implementation, everyone should be calm and firm, waiting for the moment when the child experiences the consequences and changes.
原则2：执行过程中，大人不妥协、不干预。
实行自然后果法前，应事先告知周围经常跟孩子接触的人，大家统一做法。实行过程中，大家都要保持平和坚定，等待孩子体验到后果并发生改变的那一刻。
Principle 3: After the consequences occur, do not borrow questions to play In the face of the child’s wrong choice, do not humiliate, ridicule, blame, and do not borrow questions to play.
Borrowing the questions will stop the child from experiencing the consequences and focus on the pain of suffering or resisting these censures or humiliations. After the consequences occur, we still have to maintain respect for peace and express sympathy and encouragement to the consequences that the children are experiencing: “I know you must have forgotten to get wet with your umbrella. It will be uncomfortable. I believe you will remember it next time.” Only then can children treat their mistakes with peace of mind and focus their thoughts on feeling the consequences and seeking solutions.
原则3：后果发生后，不借题发挥 面对孩子的错误选择，不羞辱、不嘲讽、不责难、不借题发挥。
借题发挥会让孩子停止体验后果，而把心思集中到承受或者反抗这些责难或羞辱的痛苦上。
后果发生后，我们仍要保持尊重和平和，对孩子正在经历的后果表达同情和鼓励：“我知道你忘记带伞被淋湿了肯定很难受。我相信下次你会记得的。”
这样，孩子才会用平和的心态看待自己的错误，并把心思集中在感受后果和寻求解决方法上。
The “Natural Consequences Law”
Is serious and kind discipline.
Parents may wish to try this method to cultivate an independent and responsible good child.
“自然后果法”
是严肃而善良的管教，
家长们不妨一试，
用这种方法培养出一个独立、有担当的
好孩子
了解更多
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