正面管教工具丨Positive Discipline Tool-Fix 4 wrong "R"

修复错误的4个“R”

父母对待孩子犯错的态度是这样,对于自已的错误,态度也是如此。

父母如何对待错误,远比错误本身更重要。

孩子也会从父母身上学到对待错误的方式。

This is how parents treat their children ’s mistakes, as well as their own mistakes. 

How parents treat errors is far more important than errors themselves. 

Children will also learn the wrong way from their parents.

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在孩子犯的错误中,父母大都难辞其咎,孩子的很多错误是因为父母没有花时间训练并鼓励他们而造成的,因此父母常常激起孩子的反叛,而不是让孩子取得令人鼓舞的进步。所以,修复错误的4个“R”能够帮助父母接受自己的不完美,成为孩子的榜样,让孩子从父母身上看到错误是学习的好机会,然后再来一起关注于解决问题。

Parents often blame their children for the mistakes they make. Many of the children ’s mistakes are caused by the parents not taking the time to train and encourage them. Therefore, parents often arouse their children ’s rebellion instead of letting them achieve encouraging results. progress. Therefore, fixing the four “R” errors can help parents accept their imperfections and become a role model for children. Letting children see errors from their parents is a good opportunity to learn, and then come to focus on solving problems.

                    Recognize your mistake

意识到自己在问题中的责任,任何一次冲突的产生都不可能是单方面的原因,有时仅仅是家长的态度不够好,就会引起孩子的反叛。

Recognize your responsibility in the question, any conflict can not be a unilateral cause, sometimes just the parents’ attitude is not good enough, it will cause the child’s rebellion.

                                  Reconnect

父母与孩子发生冲突后,双方的关系处于破裂阶段,纠正错误前先连接,能够让父母跟孩子心连心,让孩子重新对父母产生信任感。连接的方式可以是看着对方眼晴,扶着他的肩膀、拥抱等。

After the conflict between the parents and the child, the relationship between the two parties is in a stage of rupture, and the connection is made before the error is corrected, so that the parents can connect with the child and the child can regain trust in the parents. The connection can be by looking at the other person’s eyes, holding his shoulders, hugging, etc.

                                  Reconcile

因为性格的不同,有的人很难说出“对不起”3个字,而有的人则喜欢过度道歉。在这里,和解或道歉要做到简单而真诚。如果父母是真心向孩子道歉,哪怕只有几个字,孩子也能感受得到。相反,如果父母不是发自内心的道歉,孩子就会觉得厌烦与不被尊重。

Reconcile: Because of different personalities, it is difficult for some people to say “sorry”, while some people like to apologize excessively. Here, reconciliation or apology should be simple and sincere. If the parents really apologize to the child, even if there are only a few words, the child can feel it. On the contrary, if the parents do not apologize from the heart, the child will feel bored and disrespected.

                                               Resolve

经过前面的3步之后,就可以开始解决问题,寻找相互尊重的解决方案。如果没有经过前面3步就试图直接解决问题,你会发现障碍重重,因为孩子还处于负面的情绪当中,他感觉不到爱,从而会花更多的时间去追求。
爱与价值感,他不仅不会跟你说实话,他的关注点也不在事情本身,而是“我要怎么做才能让父母爱我”,或者“我要怎么做,才能逃避父母的惩罚”。

Resolve: After the previous 3 steps, you can start to solve the problem and find a solution that respects each other. If you try to solve the problem directly without going through the previous 3 steps, you will find that there are many obstacles, because the child is still in a negative emotion, he can’t feel love, so he will spend more time pursuing.

Love and sense of value, not only will he not tell you the truth, his focus is not on the thing itself, but “what should I do to make my parents love me”, or “what should I do to escape my parents’ punishment” .

父母可以用启发式提问与头脑风暴的方式,跟孩子一起讨论怎样做可以避免类似的事情再次发生,让孩子从错误中得到学习。并且父母愿意承认错误,也给孩子树立了一个榜样。让孩子知道,每个人都不是完美的,犯错没有关系,我们可以修复关系,也可以关注于解决问题。

Parents can use heuristic questions and brainstorming methods to discuss with their children how to do similar things to avoid recurrence and let children learn from mistakes. And parents are willing to admit their mistakes and set an example for their children. Let the children know that everyone is not perfect. It doesn’t matter if you make mistakes. We can repair the relationship or focus on solving the problem.