Time Out or积极暂停丨Time out or active suspension

Time out用中文的「计时暂停」这个词，比较符合这个管教方法的原意：“让孩子从原来的活动或环境中暂时脱离出来，在台阶、角落、卧室或其他没有干扰的地方，独自一个人待着，可以是坐着，也可以是站着，通常5至15分钟。”

Time out uses the word “time-out” in Chinese, which is more in line with the original intention of this discipline method: “Let the child be temporarily separated from the original activity or environment, and be alone on the steps, corners, bedrooms or other places without interference. It can be sitting or standing, usually 5 to 15 minutes. “

但实际上，Time out作为一种管教方法，经常会被用歪。比如用「淘气毯」来惩罚偷吃零食的3岁孩子，用的就是Time out。

用惩罚的方式告诉孩子怎么做对，怎样做不对。最后达到了想要的效果。但孩子是因为什么最后服从了妈妈，遵守了规则？是因为——「怕」

但其实，我们教孩子不只是为了纠正孩子一次行为，还想让孩子从这次错误中，行为得到纠正，心灵更得到成长。

「积极暂停法」在强化孩子的规则意识，或者平复孩子的情绪方面，更加容易让孩子接受。

But in fact, Time out is often used as a discipline method. For example, use the “naughty blanket” to punish 3-year-old children who steal snacks. Time out use punishment to tell the child what is right and what is wrong in order to achieve the desired effect. But why does the child finally obey his mother and obey the rules? It’s because-“fear”.

But in fact, we teach our children not only to correct the child’s behavior, but also to let the child correct the behavior and develop his mind not to do mistake.

我们可以采用更好的「积极暂停法」

首先我们先跟孩子一起制作一个积极暂停角。

在制作积极暂停角前，必须先和孩子沟通，让孩子在心情愉悦的状态下接受并制作。让大点的孩子自己去布置这个暂停角，因为这是他的专属空间中。

 接着在遇到问题的时候，我们该怎么做呢？

我们先认可，比如认可孩子当时的负面情绪，包括愤怒、生气等，再接纳，接纳孩子有愤怒、生气的权利；接下来帮助孩子找到解决方法。

We can adopt a better “active suspension method”

First of all, we will make an active suspension corner with the children.

Before making an active suspension corner, you must first communicate with your child so that the child can accept and make it in a happy state. Let the older child arrange this suspension angle by himself, because this is his exclusive space.

1、「暂停」适用于3岁半以上的孩子

根据孩子脑部发育的规律，3岁半到4岁的孩子，开始能够理解因果关系，并开始符合逻辑地思考，这时候，孩子能够参与建立属于自己的暂停区，并能理解积极暂停对于他们的意义。

2、孩子在感觉好时才能做得更好

孩子能从一次「冷静」下来的机会中获益，特别是当家长和他们一起去做的时候。

3、父母的态度是关键

孩子更可能关注父母做了什么，而不是他们自己做了什么。我们可以把积极暂停作为几种选择之一，提供给孩子。

4、始终记住孩子的发展阶段和能力

了解孩子的这个阶段的特点，能帮助我们不会过高地期望孩子，要求孩子做超出能力范畴的事情。

5、建立属于父母自己的「冷静空间」来示范积极的暂停

积极暂停除了能帮助孩子，还能帮助家长处理自己的情绪。

1. “Pause” applies to children over 3 and half years old

According to the rules of the child’s brain development, children aged 3 and a half to 4 years old can begin to understand the cause and effect relationship and begin to think logically. At this time, the child can participate in establishing their own suspension zone and can understand the positive suspension.

2. Children do better when they feel good

Children can benefit from an opportunity to “cool down”, especially when parents do it with them.

3. The attitude of the parents is the key

Children are more likely to focus on what their parents did, rather than what they did. We can provide active suspension as one of several options for children.

4. Always remember the child’s development stage and ability

Understanding the characteristics of children at this stage can help us not to give high expectation to children and require them to do things beyond their ability.

5. Establish a “calm space” that belongs to the parents themselves to demonstrate positive suspension

In addition to help children, active suspension can also help parents deal with their emotions.