古人智慧丨育子“七不责”

著名教育学家Anton Makarenko曾说过：“批评不仅仅是一种手段，更应该是一种艺术，一种智慧”。我们对孩子的管教，目的不是局限孩子的自由，而是在最大限度内保陣他的自由。这是因为，一个人既然要在社会中生存，就必须尊重社会对人的要求，而只有经过管教、适度社会化的孩子，才具备适应社会的能力

 怎样批评才能产生最佳的教育效果 

 又不伤害了孩子的自尊心？

 我国早在春秋战国时期，

 古人已经在《黄帝内经育胎智慧》中提出了 

 育子“七不责”的教育方法。

The famous educator Anton Makarenko once said: “Criticism is not only a means, but also an art, a wisdom.” The purpose of our child discipline is not to limit the child’s freedom, but to protect his freedom to the maximum extent possible. This is because, if a person wants to survive in society, he must respect the requirements of society, and only children who have been disciplined and moderately socialized have the ability to adapt to society.

 How can criticism be used to produce the best 

 educational results without harming the 

 child’s self-esteem? 

 As early as the Spring and Autumn Period 

 and the Warring States Period, 

 The ancients have put forward in 

 “The Wisdom of 

 the Yellow Emperor’s Internal Fertility” 

 “Seven blameless” education methods. 

父母不要在大庭广众之下或当着熟人的面训斥孩子。孩子再小，都会有自尊心，都需要心理上的保护和宽容。当着外人的面教训ta，或把孩子的糗事当做笑料反复说给别人听，让孩子出丑，不仅会伤害孩子的自尊，更会使其不以为耻，习以为常，在无形中强化其错误行为。“对众不责”并非姑息纵容，如果是原则性错误，比如打小朋友、抢別人东西等，父母应马上制止，并马上将孩子带到没人的地方，及时帮他纠正错误。

Parents should not reprimand their children in public or in the presence of acquaintances. No matter how young a child is, they will have self-esteem and need psychological protection and tolerance. Lessons in front of outsiders, or repeatedly telling others’ stories as a joke to others, making children ugly, will not only hurt the child ’s self-esteem, but also make them not ashamed, accustomed to it, and intensify their wrongdoing. “Responsibility to the public” is not to indulge or condone. If it is a principled error, such as hitting a child or grabbing someone else’s things, the parents should stop it immediately, and immediately take the child to a place where no one is there, and help him correct the mistake on time.

孩子毕竟是孩子，难免会做错事。但只要孩子承认错误了，说明ta此时已经很内疚了。如果父母此时还是不依不饶的训斥，会让孩子产生“道歉无用”的错觉，反正不管怎样你都要批评我，那以后就破罐子破摔吧。在孩子承认错误后，如果能适当的赞扬其知错能改的品质，并且警示其以后不要再犯这样的错误，不仅会消除孩子的内疚感，还会让孩子感受到父母的善解人意，从而变得更加积极和乐观。

Children are children after all, and they will inevitably do wrong. But as long as the child admits that he or she is guilty at this time. If the parents still relentlessly reprimand at this time, the child will have the illusion of “useless apology.” Anyway, you have to criticize me, then break the jar. After the child admits his mistakes, if he can properly praise the quality of knowing his mistakes and warning him not to make such mistakes in the future, it will not only eliminate the guilt of the children, but also make the children feel the understanding of their parents become more positive and optimistic.

害怕、紧张、兴奋都会导致失眠。睡前责备孩子，也会让孩子的心理处于压抑和紧张状态，影响其睡眠。睡眠不好或不足，都会影响孩子的体力与脑力的恢复，甚至影响其生长发育。晚上遭到训斥的孩子，在入睡后很容易哭泣、说梦话，也正是这个原因。所以，如果孩子晚上犯错，父母不妨严肃而不严厉地制止。第二天再让孩子好好认错不迟。

Fear, nervousness, excitement can cause insomnia. Blaming the child before going to bed will also put the child in a state of depression and tension, affecting their sleep. Poor or inadequate sleep will affect the child’s physical and mental recovery, and even affect its growth and development. Children who are reprimanded at night can easily cry and talk in sleep after falling asleep. Therefore, if a child makes a mistake at night, parents may wish to stop it seriously but not harshly. The next day, let the child admit it.

中国青少年研究中心发布的＂中国城市少年儿童生活习惯研究”结果显示，超过一半的孩子在吃饭时挨过父母批评。殊不知，这不仅会影响孩子的食欲，导致脾胃虚弱，而且边吃边哭容易将食物误吸入气管里，引起呛咳。此外，还会让孩子觉得和父母吃饭是一件痛苦的事情，造成心理压抑，加深隔阂。所以，教育孩子干万别赶在饭点。

The results of the “Chinese Urban Children’s Lifestyle Study” released by the China Youth Research Center show that more than half of the children have been criticized by their parents while eating. As everyone knows, this will not only affect the child’s appetite, leading to weak spleen and stomach, but also crying while eating can easily inhale food into the trachea and cause choking. In addition, it also makes children feel that eating with their parents is a painful matter, causing psychological depression and deepening the gap. So, educate your children not to hurry up.

在孩子特别高兴时，父母突然严厉的责备会使孩子的情绪产生巨大波动。正常人在兴奋状态时被人打击，也会有种一落干丈的感觉。所以，在孩子取得成绩正高兴时，父母不要吝啬自己的表扬。即使孩子在此时做出了错误举动，只要不是原则性的，就先不要扫兴。不妨轻描淡写地提醒taー下，后面再找合适时机跟孩子好好谈。

When the child is particularly happy, the sudden and severe reproach of the parents will cause the child’s mood to fluctuate greatly. When a normal person is hit by someone in an excited state, he will also feel a sense of slump. Therefore, when children are happy with their achievements, parents should not slap their praise. Even if the child makes a wrong move at this time, as long as it is not principled, do not disappoint. May wish to remind him lightly, and then talk to the child at a suitable time later.

面对的孩子的哭泣，很多父母会显得无所适从，不自觉的会发脾气责骂孩子。但心理学研究显示，哭泣是孩子愈合感情创伤的必要过程。此时，他的注意力完全集中于自己的感受，对四周事物以及告诚劝解全不在意。也就是说，此时责备孩子，并不会取得好的效果，反而会让孩子觉得“一波未平一波又起”，从而陷入情绪低谷，变得自卑。人们经常说:你哭吧，哭出来就好受了。这句话不仅大人适用，孩子也一样。最好的办法就是在孩子哭泣时，把肩膀借给ta，有什么话，等孩子哭完了再说。

In the face of the child’s crying, many parents will appear to be at a loss, and will unconsciously scold the child. But psychological research shows that crying is a necessary process for children to heal emotional trauma. At this time, his attention was completely focused on his feelings, and he didn’t care about the surroundings and his sincere counsel. In other words, blaming the child at this time will not achieve good results. Instead, it will make the child feel “one wave after another,” and then fall into a depression and become inferior. People often say: cry, you can feel better when you cry. This sentence applies not only to adults, but also to children. The best way is to lend your shoulder to him while the child is crying, if you have anything to say, wait until the child is done crying. 

生病时，人的心理是最脆弱的时候，孩子更是如此。相比于批评和责骂(哪怕是出于疼爱)，孩子在此时更希望得到父母的关爱与体贴。批评和责骂只会让病中的孩子感觉到无助和悲伤，直接影响到孩子健康的恢复。不妨转换一下思路，让孩子意识到疾病并不可怕，要做一个勇敢和坚强的孩子。吃药打针才能好的更快，才能跟小伙伴高兴的玩耍，才能吃冰激凌。这样既激发了孩子战胜疾病的信念，又磨练了孩子的意志，父母也乐得轻松，何乐而不为呢？

When you are sick, your psychology system is the most vulnerable, especially your child’s one. Rather than criticizing and scolding (even if it is out of affection), the child at this time prefers the care and consideration of his parents. Criticizing and scolding will only make the sick child feel helpless and sad, which will directly affect the child’s health recovery. May wish to change your mind, let your child realize that the disease is not terrible, and be a brave and strong child. Taking medicine and injections can be good and faster, can play happily with friends, and can eat ice cream. This not only stimulates the child ’s belief in overcoming the disease, but also hone the child ’s will, and the parents are also happy, why not?

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